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  • HUH? OHHH I’m Listening Now

    The Inspiration

    I will often call my mom and question where she is or what she’s doing. Most of the time I just simply forget. I wonder why. Oh. According to her, I wasn’t listening. A lot of the time I hear what she says, however, I don’t remember, and or I simply wasn’t paying attention. However, this doesn’t seem to be a problem to me, but it really does upset my mom.

    Don’t TRy THIS AT HOME!

     In an effort to improve this recurring issue in my household, I chose to read You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters for my Gallery of Conscience and Installation project. I sat down alongside my dog and picked up my book and began to read. I remember reaching page 38. This page states, “Listening may indeed and probably will help you accomplish your goals, but if that’s your only motivation for listening, then you are just making a show of it. People will pick up on your inauthenticity (Murphy 38). My first twenty minutes diving into this book was insanely uncomfortable as I was essentially being called out. I felt as if my mother was speaking to me through Murphy’s text. She voices her definition of “inauthenticity” by viewing how individuals listen by highlighting body language and responses when conversing with one another. 

    • Interrupting 
    • Responding vaguely or illogically to what was just said 
    • Looking at a phone, watch, around the room, or otherwise away from the speaker
    • Fidgeting
    Murphy 22

    I was embarrassed at how each of these applied to me, which drove me to indulge in understanding the ins and out of this novel in order to better myself and my connections with others. I found that it is very easy to become a bad listener and very challenging to become a good one. We as a society are bombarded with distractions whether it stems from social media or just that we don’t care enough as to what the speaker has said. Murphy intentionally calls the bad listeners to the forefront and gives great advice to repair this. “Not listening because you don’t agree with someone, you are self-absorbed, or you think you already know what someone will say makes you a bad listener. But not listening because you don’t have the intellectual or emotional energy to listen at the moment makes you human” (Murphy 210). Murphy adds this quote to intentionally prove that we can all be good listeners, we just may need guidance into getting to that point.

    Clay Drinko Ph.D., an author and contributor to Psychology Today emphasizes the fact that we are worse listeners than we believe in his article published in “Psychology Today”. Dr. Drinko explains why we should focus on listening, how we can improve our listening, and the benefits we can discover if we do so. He highlights the reality that we spend more time listening than speaking, suggesting that we should put more effort into being better listeners than worrying about how we can convince someone of our viewpoint. 

     “When we make assumptions or aren’t fully engaged with our conversation partners, misunderstandings are much more likely to occur. Think about it. When someone interrupts you, how does it make you feel? When someone assumes they know what you’re going to say or finishes your sentence, what’s that like?”(Drinko).

    Drinko

     Drinko realizes that individuals in today’s modern society are too focused on themselves in a conversation, resulting in interruptions, assumptions, and misunderstandings. Instead of being curious, we try to force the information someone else is sharing into prepackaged categories and get upset when it doesn’t fit. The things Dr. Drinko calls out in his article are brought to life in Murphy’s book when she tells the story of the interrogator who was charged with gaining information to prevent another terrorist attack in the wake of 9/11. Murphy adds, “While CIA agents are trained to be deceptive, manipulative and even predatory in their quest for intelligence, what makes McManus effective is not some dark art. He simply gets a charge, almost a rush, out of listening to people who are different from him. … ‘How does he look? What does he think? What does he think of the West? What does he think of a guy like me?’ It’s a mind-blowing experience. It makes me better” (Murphy 36). Dr. Drinko highlights the aspect that one needs to be curious in order to listen which stands hand in hand with the CIA officer quoted by Murphy who approached his job with curiosity and thus was able to get hardened terrorists to open up.  

    But it turns out that being a good listener includes helping the person you are listening to overcome their hesitance to share something because doing so makes them vulnerable!

    Straight Talk Clinic, (STC) established by a group of parents, was originally formed to be a drug prevention clinic when established in 1971, but has now expanded to be a mental health clinic. The clinic drafted an article entitled, Bad Listeners: Why it Exists and Tips to Handle a Bad Listener, in which they expose the realistic approach to questioning if our friends really listen and indulge in what we say. STC concludes, “If a conversation involves a sensitive topic, the other person may not be listening well because they are internally judging you…Remember that is about the non-listener’s fault and not you. If someone is judging you, it usually involves their ego and moral superiority complex” (STC). We, as human beings, want to confide in our close peers when we need to talk, but, as STC explains, they may be internally judging us and as much as we want to be heard, we fear judgment. Brene Brown further explains in her TED Talk, “The Power of Vulnerability” how we can overcome our fear of being judged, she concludes “Shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection? The thing I can tell you about it: It’s universal; we all have it” (Brown 4:45). Brown and Murphy work hand in hand with explaining the perception of how judging keeps us away from creating connections with others as we are scared of being vulnerable with them. Brown encourages us to be vulnerable and Murphy encourages us to feel free to listen without fear that somehow we are validating something we do not want to validate. “To listen does not mean, or even imply, that you agree with someone. It simply means you accept the legitimacy of the other person’s point of view and that you might have something to learn from it. It also means that you embrace the possibility that there might be multiple truths and understanding them all might lead to a larger truth” (Murphy 88). Murphy and Brown both highlight the importance of participation by both people: the person doing the talking and the person doing the listening. 

    Dr. Lisa Firestone Ph.D

    Dr. Lisa Firestone Ph.D, is the director of research and education at The Glendale Association. She is a lecturer and author. In her piece, How Embracing Vulnerability Strengthens Our Relationships, published in “Psychalive”, a blog that contains information on many different topics such as relationships, parenting, depression, and many more, Dr. Firestone explains that being vulnerable is necessary, not only to share information but also to listen as well. “Looking our partner in the eye, listening to what they have to say, and being willing to give time and attention to the moment are acts of vulnerability that are often harder to do than we imagine. Yet, engaging in each of these behaviors keeps us closer to one another and to our own feelings.” Dr. Firestone’s view that vulnerability is central to both sharing and listening explains how Brene Brown’s findings on the need for vulnerability to form strong bonds with others tie together with Dr. Drinko, the Straight Talk Clinic, and Kate Murphy’s focus on the benefits of listening. Being vulnerable is hard. Which is why honest sharing of information is hard. And why listening – actually listening – is hard. As Murphy explains, “The joy and benefit of human interactions come from a reciprocal focusing on one another’s words and actions, and being ready and willing to respond and expand on every contribution” (111). 

    So how can this need for vulnerability to create better sharers and listeners be fostered? Well, many religious have approached this issue and come up with the concept of a “confession”. Which brings us to the most interesting part of my blog! Our installation project! Alexa, Rachel, and I have put together a confession box. Since all of the gallery books we chose had something to do with the importance of listening to one another we decided to give all students viewing our gallery a space to “confess” or get anything out of their system and placed it on a post-it note. We will put up the post-its and create a community within the Glenbrook North Community as these are all anonymous and shared in a judgment-free environment. This project adds depth to our books as we are able to get our point across that it is crucial to listen to others and for others to listen to us. The gallery installation will aid students to understand that someone is listening to them and their voices even if they don’t believe so.

  • Gallery of Conscience: What Did you Say?

    You’re Not Listening: What your Missing and Why it Matters, written by Kate Murphy in 2019, is a quick and enlightening read. The book explains the importance of meaningful connections, why we have them, how we maintain them, and how we can benefit and grow with those connections. Murphy exposes all of the times that we thought we were listening to a friend or colleague, but were actually doing the opposite. Murphy understands her subject matter well. She is an accomplished reporter, having interviewed many people for her articles, published by such notable news sources as the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Economist, and many more. She is a diverse learner, having explored, through her writings, topics such as health, technology, science, design, art, aviation, and many others. She even has a commercial pilot’s license and has flown herself to remote locations for her reporting. Many critics and other readers have deemed this book to be life-changing and inspirational. Throughout the book, she introduced different experiences of conversation she had with individuals from all different walks of life and all different occupations. 

    “Everybody is interesting if you ask the right questions. If someone is dull or uninteresting, that’s on you”

    Kate Murphy

    I was drawn to the book because I am well aware that I am not the best listener. My desire is to work in a rehabilitation-based career, specifically in rehabilitation psychology. I recognize how important listening is in such an endeavor. To aid patients, I need to have the proper skills how to listen to others and take care of their needs based on their means of communication. Although I assumed that I knew how to be a better listener, I figured that Murphy’s book would be a useful resource nevertheless. It turned out that my assumption was grossly inaccurate.

    Having completed more than 160 pages, it has become apparent that I did not know the first thing about listening effectively. Murphy writes with an engaging style, and it was very easy to get caught up in her anecdotes. The more I read, the more embarrassed I became at my poor listening skills, often finding myself thinking “that’s me!” as Murphy described some trait or feature that is associated with poor listening. Intrigued, I have tried to use Murphy’s tips and tricks and have found that listening is not nearly as easy as I thought it was. She gives us insight into how we can view conversation by stating, “Listening helps us sort fact from fiction and deepens our understanding of the complex situations and personalities we encounter in life. It’s how we gain entree, gather intelligence, and make connections, regardless of social circles in which we find ourselves” (152). This connects to many themes we constantly visit when being curious about others opinions and breaking our own ways of thinking in order to understand others. Margaret Wheatley states in her work Willing to be Disturbed, “It’s our judgments about each other that do curiosity and good listening bring us back together” (3). Wheatley and Murphy have the same ideas when speaking about listening. Both authors come to the conclusion that this practice is extremely important and aids us in every way throughout our lives. Helping us make good connections with others, aiding us to be successful in the workplace and or in school, etc. While reading this book, my ways of listening have already altered and I am so glad I picked up this book as I see it helping me succeed in the future. 

    Murphy has written this book to share her knowledge with others. Her book can be read in 21 languages which is linked on the end of Murphy’s page.

  • Mash Blog: Abolishing the Myth of Sex Work

    “It would be useful to question why, if prostitution is a choice for women which can be taken with such ease, so many women have to be deceived and enslaved in order to do it”

    (Moran 226).

    Paid For: My Journey Through Prostitution By Rachel Moran

    “Shame does not ebb away slowly overtime; it hides its face for a while, seeming to slink out of sight, only to stride purposefully back out of the shadows and onto the centre-stage of your life, as real and alive as it was the first day you saw it” (Moran 11). 

    “Another misconception of prostitution is the presumption of a general unwillingness among prostitutes to conform to society…I know many people would have assumed that I didn’t hold an ordinary job because I didn’t want one, and they’d have further deduced that I didn’t want one because I was lazy… that assumption couldn’t be any further removed from the truth” (Moran 198-199). “Another of our deep-seated biases is to make choices in a way that justifies past choices, even when the past choices no longer seem valid” (Hammond et al).
     “The Hidden Traps in Decision Making”

    If some of what enables people in our societies to make all of the choices we make we are shifted to societies in which people have too few options not only would those people’s lives be improved but ours would be improved also” (Schwartz 18:20).

    “The Paradox of Choice”,

     “Stories matter. Many stories matter. Stories have been used to dispossess and to malign, but stories can also be used to empower and to humanize. Stories can break the dignity of a people, but stories can also repair that broken dignity.” (Adichie 17:30).

    “The Danger of a Single Story”

     “Experts do not know why some pain resolves and other pain becomes chronic. One theory is that the body begins to react to its own reaction, trapping itself in a cycle of its own pain response” (Biss 79).

     “Pain Scale”

    Rachel Moran, the author of “Paid For: My Journey Through Prostitution”, understands what it means to make a decision that, at the time, seems small, and then find that somehow, after that decision the door has swung closed behind her. Leaving her trapped in a world from which she desperately wants to escape, but cannot. Her anger at the popular misconceptions about prostitution pours through her work. She despises that people assume that prostitution is a door that opens in both directions – that a prostitute can stop being a prostitute as easily as she started. Moran undergoes the assumption that creates a “single story”, as mentioned in Adichie’s TED Talk. Moran is alienated from the rest of society because of her profession which she cannot escape from.  She speaks of the shame that holds her back and prevents her from rejoining society. She also details how she desperately craved normalcy but did not know how to obtain it. Reading this, I couldn’t imagine being used for a profession and feeling trapped by my own choices. In part, Moran appears to have trapped herself into a cycle of her own pain as Biss describes in the “Pain Scale”. But, in part, she also appears to be suffering from the “sunk cost fallacy” which Hammond and contributors describe in their article “The Hidden Traps in Decision Making”. Having made the initial decision to engage in prostitution, as a result of her childhood, each further decision to leave the cycle becomes harder and harder since it involves giving up everything she has invested thus far. As Moran describes, it’s hardly fair to expect she could’ve made a different choice given her background. Coming from a broken family with no money, and no guidance from her parentals. Moran was left to fend for herself from a young age. As Barry Schwartz describes in his TED Talk, “The Paradox of Choice”, so much of society suffers from too many choices, while some, like Moran, suffer from having too few. 

    In an era where websites such as OnlyFans and SeekingArrangement dangle the proposition of wealth by doing nothing more than existing and displaying your existence, Moran provides a valuable counterpoint. She describes, in detail which made me blush more than once, what life is like once you make a specific kind of choice. It is not surprising that Moran originally wanted to make public her experience under a fake name, rather than exposing herself by revealing her hurt to anyone who would purchase the memoir. She felt embarrassed by her situation and then realized that she could use her voice to stand for others that were silent. A topic that is seen in popular culture as glamorous, Moran chucks away the facade from this inaccurate depiction and shows the often horrifying reality without any filter. For example, she writes of one client “[w]hen he peeled back his foreskin there was so much cheesy-smelling gunk under it I had to struggle not to vomit.” (Moran 136). I had to struggle not to vomit just reading that. She exposes taboos within the realm of which is prostitution and how difficult it was for her to come back to society. Concluding the parameters of the cycle proving how reintegration is deemed impossible for those having that occupation. She spoke about how she created connections with other prostitutes and how this connection was just what she needed. But even that is painted with this matter-of-fact style that masks the horror of what is being described. Her connection with another prostitute is remembered by “the look in the eyes of a fellow-prostitute hunched down on all fours while a man kneeling behind her is ramming himself into her.” (Moran 281). Wow. Just, wow. People say books are good when you cannot put them down. Would you be interested in a book that you are constantly putting down and asking yourself “what did I just read?” 

  • SAMO 2: Art vs Violence

    Junior year I chose to read In The Neighborhood of True for my English research paper as the story featured a young female Jewish American to whom I believed I could relate. Growing up in a predominantly Jewish area, the book enlightened me on the lifestyle of other Jewish Americans who are forced to hide their identity from society. This seemed so foreign to me, as I wasn’t exposed to this need for secrecy of something that, to me, seems innocuous. By being set in the American South of the 1950s, this young adult novel tied together the experiences of Jews to those of African Americans in that both dealt with hatred directed against them due only to their race. That allowed me to identify more closely with the events

    I watched during the pandemic from the comfort of my couch in safe Northbrook. I was even more upset by the violence that triggered the demonstrations, namely the murder of George Floyd, but I remained disturbed by the violence that accompanied those demonstrations. The looting and destruction that accompanied the protests then triggered yet more violence when people with guns appointed themselves to protect property. The inevitable shooting of protesters only triggered more protests and more violence. At the time, I hoped this was just a product of everyone being concerned about the pandemic because this violence-leading-to-more-violence made absolutely no sense to me. I found answers in a most unexpected place.

    “Ignorance does not make you fireproof when the world is burning.”
    Nelou Keramati

    My family and I traveled to Florida a few weeks ago during winter break, and, while we were there, I had the opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with my grandmother. Yes, even a Chicagoan can decide that some days in Florida are just not “tanning weather”. My grandmother told me that she has been eager to take a trip to the Artis which is located ten minutes west of her house. The Artis is part of the Naples Philharmonic and includes a large museum. I am not one who ever wants to visit a museum, let alone on a vacation, but I knew it made her happy to take me. Admittedly, the museum was absolutely gorgeous. The Artis Baker Museum is currently displaying an exhibit called Envisioning Evil, which features drawings by Mauricio Lasansky, an artist from Argentina who was born to Jewish immigrants. This exhibit was surprisingly difficult and moving. There were adults just sitting in the exhibit seemly transfixed by the art, and those individuals would exit the exhibit having a hard time grappling to move forward.

    This is a video of the exhibit with a more detailed explanation of the art displayed.

    I spoke with a docent, who explained to me that Lasansky formulated these images on display after the Adolf Eichman trials. So when I got back to our house, I needed to know why a trial had such an impact on him.

    A detailed excerpt that gives more information about the Holocaust to provide historical context for the art. Photograph taken by Carly Bass

    I was surprised to learn about the sociological impact of the Eichman Trial. The trial was held in the capital of the Holy Land of Israel, Jerusalem, in the year 1961. Eichman had been captured the year before in Argentina, in a daring raid by the Israeli secret service that, technically, violated Argentina’s sovereignty and triggered riots in Argentina when they found out about it. Eichman’s trial was the first internationally televised court trial and, over the protestations of his attorney, the prosecution essentially set out to document the horrors of the Holocaust with the rigorous attention to detail required in a court of law (60 years ago we saw the face of evil). The trial lasted two months. I can only imagine what it must have been like to listen to people describe, in detail, their personal horrors day after day for sixty days. Apparently, that is what Lasansky did.

    At the museum, there was a picture of Lasansky, sitting at his desk, crafting the artwork which was displayed. Underneath the picture, Lasansky states, “I was full of hate, poison, and I wanted to spit it out”.

    His comment brought me back to the protests during the pandemic. The protesters and Lasansky alike were enraged at how a group of individuals were treated. The protesters, however, often channeled their rage into destructive activities. In fact, contemporary news articles made it sound like violence was an inescapable part of anger. The Atlantic, in an article entitled “Why People Loot”, claimed that “[a]ny time large groups of angry people gather spontaneously, property damage is common” (Khazan). Lasansky’s art presents an alternative approach; to channeling anger into art instead of destruction. As the events leading to the trial of Kyle Rittenhouse showed, channeling anger into destruction only results in a repeating cycle of violence. The protesters were angry at the violence visited upon George Floyd by Derek Chauvin, so they attacked property and businesses. People like Kyle Rittenhouse were enraged at the violence visited upon property and businesses by the protesters so he attacked the protesters. Others were then angry at the violence visited upon the protesters by Rittenhouse, and, well, you get the idea.

    Lasansky brings his anger out in art. The images just look like they were drawn in a fit of rage. And the depictions of the Nazis are as nightmarish creatures. They are drawn in a way to communicate that they are not worthy of any human dignity and are seen by viewers as pure evil. These are the characteristics put on members of the Natzi party. They are based on the horrible acts the soldiers performed during World War II. The cycle of society and perceptions society holds in regard to defined groups, such as the Nazis, aids in giving these derogatory affirmations to individuals. Bobbie Harro concludes, in her perception of the system in “The Cycle of Socialization”, that “the characteristics of this system were built long before we existed, based upon the history, habit, tradition, patterns of belief, prejudices, stereotypes, and myths. Dominant or agent groups are considered the ‘norm’ around which assumptions are built, and these groups receive attention and recognition (17). Consequently, the norm of expressing anger through violence is what receives “attention and recognition”. However, Lasansky takes a different approach and ultimately receives adequate recognition as his exhibit is traveling around the world and is being displayed in different museums serving different communities.

    By channeling his anger into art, Lasansky seeks to avoid a continuing cycle of harm. Eula Biss quotes Reverend James Chase in “The Pain Scale”, who notes that “pain is the hurt, either physical or emotional that we experience” while “suffering is the story we tell ourselves of our pain” (82). Reverend Chase goes on to ask “if we come to the point where we have no place for suffering … will we go so far as to inflict suffering to end it?” (82). This is exactly what happened with the protests during the pandemic. The protesters sought to end their suffering, fueled by the hurt caused by the murder of George Floyd, by inflicting suffering onto property and businesses. Others then sought to end their suffering, fueled by watching protesters damage innocent people’s businesses, by inflicting suffering onto the protestors. Lasansky wanted to “eradicate” his suffering too. But he was not willing to “go so far as to inflict suffering to end it.” Instead, he created art.

    I am not a huge fan of art museums, or any museum really. One question I would ask myself would be why would people spend their time and money to go view artwork? In particular, I thought about the curator of the museum who must have thought that this was such an exhibit that would attract a large crowd. Having experienced it for myself, I now understand that it is because Lasansky’s art is visually powerful. Standing in front of his drawings, even without knowing how they came about, you can feel his anger. I was surprised that, even at the first glance, the drawings evoked feelings of hate, fear, and rage. Additionally, I felt relief that the nightmarish creatures depicted in Lasnasky’s art aren’t prominent figures in my world. Looking back on my SAMO experience, I think my grandmother and the museum curator were correct: This was a valuable art to display and see. Since the exhibit is traveling across the US I would recommend that any CST student make time to go see it. I dare you to stand in front of this art and feel nothing.

  • SAMO 1: Impact of Support Groups

    I am the daughter of an alcoholic father. Growing up, his addition was a thorn in my mind that was always there. Sometimes I would worry about him. Other times I would worry about myself.  And I forever wished it would just go away. During my childhood, I thought that I was the only child struggling with substance abuse in my household. But it turns out that this addiction is very common, it is just often hidden. More than one in twelve children (about 7.5 million children) live with a parent who has an alcohol use disorder American Addiction Center.

    The professionals who were assigned to me by the court (during my father’s many legal troubles) assured me that I wasn’t alone and there were programs available to help me decompress, get things off my chest and commiserate with other children stuck in the same boat. However, my embarrassment and discomfort with my father’s addiction prevented me from ever attending. So I convinced myself that this program would not be beneficial for me. 

    Contrary to my childish conclusions, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has been proven to help adults recover from this horrific disease. AA was formed in 1935 in Akron, Ohio. AA sparked other groups that targeted more specific ages and focused on those impacted by alcoholism, as opposed to the alcoholics themselves. Al-Anon, which is also referred to as Al-Ateen, is specifically for teenagers (children ages 13-18) Al-Anon. Al-Anon was established as a safe environment for teenagers struggling with someone else’s substance abuse, typically a parent, caregiver, or other close family member or friend. Individuals involved in this nationwide program learn to cope with the emotional (and sometimes physical) trauma that alcoholics cause to those around them. Through Al-Ateen, teenagers learn how to take care of themselves. This mutual support group emphasizes the importance of love. Sponsors teach teens to continue to love the individual but realize that they have a complex issue with the disease. 

    Books pictured above from the Alateen Meeting Alexa and I attended

    Alcoholism is a disease with no defined cause. But it is known that those who experience trauma (past or present), have a family history of addiction, struggle with mental health issues, or have combinations of those factors, turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism. Alcoholism is a medical ailment that is characterized by heavy or constant drinking and sometimes can lead to more serious medical issues such as brain damage, cancer, and liver damage. In addition, alcoholics experience greater incidents of suicide and are more likely to be involved in violent crime. Typically, alcoholics do not believe they are alcoholics. Without prompting, most addicts cannot even acknowledge they have the disorder and their denials further damage those around them. Cleveland Clinic 

    When contemplating what topic I should unpack for my SAMO, I realized that going to an Al-Anon meeting would definitely be uncomfortable for me, given how long I lived under the shadow of my father’s alcoholism. In addition, I knew that it would open my eyes to the very help that has long been offered to me, but which I was too embarrassed to attend. I had already prejudged the support groups. As much as I feared and hated to go, I set aside my discomfort and my preconceived notions and drove with my friend Alexa down to Glen Ellen to attend an Al-Ateen meeting at St. Mark’s Episcopal Church. The church was located in a smaller residential area and the calm of the neighborhood only emphasized how not calm I was inside. Two Jewish teenagers entering a Christian church for the first time was definitely an experience. All of the clergy and staff were very welcoming and as we explained why we had come, they were very excited about our project and were glad we were there. 

    Selfie taken by Alexa in front of St. Mark’s Episcopal Chruch

    The meeting took place in a small room that seemed to be like a classroom, except that it had couches. There were books and different reading materials related to the meeting, which was surprising to me, because I did not know so much had been written about a topic that I always kept secret, buried deep down inside. The sponsors’ eyes lit up when seeing Alexa and I enter the room. They explained that this was an Al-Anon/Al-Ateen meeting, but that they were having a hard time finding a consistent time during which to have the meeting because many students are busy with schoolwork and extracurricular activities in the evenings.

    I highly recommend students come and observe a meeting if they are interested.  I found time with the sponsors extremely helpful in grasping the ins and outs of this program. The four women explained to us their connections to the program and why they volunteer their time to help kids struggling with parental substance abuse. The sponsors have had experience in dealing with child substance abuse, parent substance abuse, and sibling or partner substance abuse. They explained that while they have no formal education pertaining to substance abuse, they have accumulated valuable experience through their volunteering and can offer practical guidance. Each volunteer has also undergone extensive training. 

    Photo taken by me of more books being read during Al-Ateen

    The sponsors shared with us stories of trauma, struggle, and internal battles. They also reflected on the program and how it aided them in their struggles to “love the person but hate the disease”. The sponsors repeatedly emphasized to us that all Al-Anon/ Al-Ateen/ AA programs and their participants were to be kept strictly anonymous because of the importance of a safe space for members to speak openly about their experiences and the importance of those in recovery to have a stable sounding board. When speaking with these ladies, and hearing of their struggles, I instantly connected with them. It was very hard for me not to be emotional since their experiences hit way too close to home. They shared with us that an important teaching point of the program is that we did not cause the disease in our loved ones and we cannot control it. They reiterated the idea that we need to be aware of how we act and react to those individuals. We need to find internal hope for ourselves through different methods of self-care and find peace by accepting that we cannot control the person and what they indulge in. In addition, we still need to support those who are affected by the disease and give them a helping hand in achieving sobriety. This exposure made me realize that my situation is not uncommon and I was comforted in knowing that all of the information I shared would be kept anonymous and confidential. 

    These amazing programs, such as Al-Anon and AA, are valuable resources for individuals struggling with the addiction of a loved one. Like me at one point in time, many individuals are stuck helplessly watching the disease take charge of a loved one. They are stuck in a pit of despair. These support groups and volunteers take those individuals out of their cave, enlighten them, and provide hope for their journey ahead. Author Eula Biss, in her work “The Pain Scale”, references the use of scales and what they calculate, and how they do so. Biss goes into detail about how pain is unique to the person, and how different people are going to hold different perceptions to be true when regarding their own pain. Biss concludes, “But I am comforted, oddly, by the possibility that you cannot compare my pain to yours. And, for that reason, cannot prove it insignificant” (80). Biss concludes that we cannot compare our hardships and troubles to those of another. On the other hand, we can empathize and seek to understand their pain. Al-Anon teaches its members the importance of listening to each other and helping aid each other, and, in so doing, to learn to love the person struggling. Biss realizes that we are all going to handle pain differently. Al-Anon teaches those who struggle to get guidance and continue to attend meetings. I learned from the sponsors that most of them continue to volunteer their time working with the organization as it keeps them from falling back into despair. 

    Picture taken by Carly of the Alateen Meeting sign

    Over the past five years, I have realized that I didn’t cause my father’s addiction and that my only way forward was to learn how to not allow his addiction to consume me. Going to this Al-Anon meeting pushed this thought further. I needed to realize that only he can solve his own problems and that I cannot force him to change. I have to learn to love him despite my hatred of the addiction. Adrienne Rich mentions in her work, “Claiming an Education”, “Once we begin to feel committed to our lives, responsible to ourselves, we can never be satisfied with the old, passive way” (1). This quote connects to Al-Anon as they believe that we need to be “committed” to ourselves and our personal growth as we learn to not worry about the individual. 

    Through this experience, I realized that being uncomfortable is temporary. I learned a lot about myself and my family life through this SAMO!

    Saint Mark’s Episcopal Church in Glen Ellyn IL

  • MASH BLOG: Why Limit an Unlimited Mind?

    Bobbie Harro: “Cycle of Socialization” “Our socialization begins before we are born, with no choice on our part…These identities are ascribed to us at birth through no effort or decision or choice of our own;…we are born into a world where all of the mechanics, assumptions, rules, roles, and structures of oppression are already in place and functioning”(16).

    Bobbie Harro: “Cycle of Liberation” “This involves consciously dismantling and building aspects of ourselves and our worldviews based on how our new perspectives…we become introspective to identify which aspects of our beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors need to be challenged” (620-621). 

    Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: “Danger of a Single Story”  “The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not they are untrue, but they are incomplete. They make one story because the only story…The consequence of a single story is this: It robs people of their dignity. It makes our recognition of our equal humanity difficult. It emphasizes how we are different rather than similar”.

    Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: “Danger of a Single Story” “Stories matter. Many stories matter. Stories have been used to dispossess and to malign, but stories can be used to empower and to humanize. Stories can break the dignity of a people, stories can also repair that broken dignity”.

    Society is messed up. Any desire to break free from the stereotypes into which we are cast, results in a constant struggle against society because society pushes us back into that stereotype. We as individuals, need to open our minds up to the complexity and preestablished stereotypes we were born into, and our internal response to them. We might undergo discomfort when our ideas and or beliefs are challenged. But we must be willing to accept new information in order for our perceptions to evolve, and not be stuck in a single story. However, many individuals are afraid of not knowing, so they stick to what they know, even if what they know is inaccurate. The dangers of the single story, live on and many are unaware of those dangers as they are stuck in their beliefs. Dismantling society helps us bring up new aspects that should be conversed about. In order for our brains to acquire a diversity of color, we need to be primarily exposed to the limited and incomplete knowledge of the “black and white”. 

  • How I live my Life!

    Effort: This is essential to put into everything. Some say, “what you put into something, you will get out of it”. This quote I primarily live by. It gives me comfort knowing that if I put effort into something, I will get back the results I put in. Effort goes hand in hand with someone’s work ethic, which shows their true character.

    Live with an open mind: To build meaningful relationships and internal connections with our peers, we need to be able to understand their perception of life alongside ours. We need to discover that they might ponder an idea differently than we might, but we need to understand their perspective. Living with an open mind lets us try and experience new things that we might not have experienced if we had a closed-off viewpoint of others’ opinions.  

    Communicate effectively with others: Communication is the basis for human interaction. We need to tell others how we really feel about a situation. Communicating effectively with speech tells one how we feel, however it is essential to embed our emotions into our communication to make the interaction effective. 

    Spend quality time with those you care about and who care about you: We all know that people that care about us make a huge impact on our day-to-day life. The part those individuals play in our lives shapes our experiences and just keeps us content with life. Spending time with those who we care about and those who care about us keeps us feeling loved and appreciated in life. 

    This picture was taken by my sister’s friend at my sister’s wedding. 2022

    Productivity: That AMAZING feeling of knowing you completed a task is the best feeling in the world for me. I feel absolute satisfaction from productivity. I sometimes feel bogged down in work and/or just tasks that need to be completed regularly, but when I complete a task, I am over the moon excited about the completion. I feel that being productive in life builds character and shows us that sometimes we can achieve difficult tasks that we believed either wouldn’t get done or be viewed as too difficult.

    Self-respect and respect for others: Having respect for others and yourself is a huge part of establishing meaningful relationships with others, and building self-confidence within oneself. Having respect is essential because, in order to get respect, one has to earn respect. 

    Selfie taken by Carly at Country Thunder Wisconsin 2022.

    Importance of friends and family: Friends and family play a huge role in our day-to-day lives. Involving them in our lives proves their importance to us. These important relationships and figures in our lives are going to be supporting us throughout our journey through life and we need to be thankful for their involvement.

    Confidence: Having confidence is a huge factor in building one’s character. Being confident aids us in feeling ready for whatever life throws at us. When I think about the basis of confidence, I constantly link this attribute to success. 

    Remove and attempt to stay away from negativity: Negative thoughts and feelings can invade one’s positive mindset. They can alter how we feel about ourselves and other aspects of our life. I feel that we perform way better as individuals without the clouded negativity and judgment of others. 

    Take risks by “trusting yourself”: The statement goes along the lines of, “trust your gut”. I live by that statement. I am one who is used to routine and order, however, I like taking risks, and on the occasion I do I “trust my gut”. If I feel a little uneasy about a situation, but my gut says it is rational I do it. If we don’t try something, we may miss an opportunity to experience something really extraordinary.

    A picture taken by Jill Bass of me giving a speech at my sister’s rehearsal dinner.

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